??!!!WHY??!!!
One of the blogs that I kept read is for 23 years old western boy. Despite some improper words that the boy use, I kept read his posts without sharing with comments. Once, He came up with a subject I couldn’t believe it in the past, I saw in many series and movies parents forcing their boys and girls to leave the family house, and I thought it's really exaggerating and unreal, how come a parents do something animalish like that "if there is such word"???
The boy was talking about a friend of him, and how his father kicked him out of the house and he is 29 years old unemployed young man!!
He said:
((I was out of the house when I was 17...to be 29 and still at home?!!!))
((I was out of the house when I was 17...to be 29 and still at home?!!!))
!!!!!Unbelievable!!!!!
Why you should leave your house and your family???
This is unreasonable dilemma to me, I can't imagine family forcing young family members to go out. What if he/she can't survive alone and has no job or place.
NO
Why in the first place the kids must leave their original house by age of 16, 17, 18 or even 29?!!!
If they want that, and want to have their own separate house and family, that's OK, but if they are not qualify to go out and manage their own new separate life, HOW the parents force them to go?!!
Can anyone tell me WHY??!!!
Thank God, this is not a common rule to all families, I found other blogs for westerners and I really loved them, nice loving families with big strong bond and relations. I really love to see the love between the families and how each one love the other with pure and white hearts.
posted by Noor Al-Amal at 4:20 AM
11 Comments:
Hello, Most famlies I know are loving and nurturing homes. A young "adult" needs to find independence and learn to survive on their own. In the case of the 29 year old getting kicked out of his father house, maybe their was circumstances that we do not know about. It could be possible that the young man was doing drugs and his father did not want to "support" that lifestyle anymore. I know myself I lived at home till I was 27 because my father had health issues and my mother needed my to help out. Even though I am out on my own and have been out on my own for MANY years I still have a STRONG bond with all my family members. There is not a day that goes by that I am not talking or visiting one of my 7 brothers and sisters. My parents now that they are older and retired to lake house that is most 2 hours for me to get too I still see as often as I can and my phone bill is HUGE due to the many calls.
I hope you have a blessed and peace filled day. Megan
Noor, dear, you have SUCH a stunningly beautiful and pure soul ..
I do very well understand your shock - but often this is what happenes in this society - which I do anyway NOT defend and am at odds with!
One of the possibilities is what Megan mentions .. drugs. What happens much more frequently though is a financial calculation and the fact that these adult children who live with the parents, do NOT pitch in and help financially and simply live on others without participating nor helping, sort of a year-long vacation with others working and oneself enjoying. You have to know that a number of people have a scarce salary and struggle to bring up the childrem, doing the impossible giving them the best education. Once they are done with strudies ext it is expected that they do stand on their own feet and provide for themselves thus cut the (financial) umbilical cord.
It is often called "Hotel mama", which the "children" are kindly requested to leave to start life on their own, thus taking responsibility for themselves, their actions, do laundry, go shopping, clean, cook, handle finances, earn money of course ... you get my point!
THIS, Noor, is part of the Western society! I heard my own brother in law mentioning a few years back that if his eldest son won't have left the house by the age of 25, he would help him packing!! Needless to say, Stefan, my eldest nephew IS out and lives with his girlfriend, something wich is unthinkable in your society, I am aware of!
I got to experience as well the opposit - in Jordan ... and to tell you the truth, by that time this was a FIRST for me! I had met a family with three daughters and one son. The son was married and out of the house ... and the THREE DAUGHTERS, they must be now I guess around 29,27 and 25 - NONE is married yet - at home with the parents, rather the two eldedst go to work and the youngest is all the time at hime with her mother! The eldest and youngest turned religous like the mother ... wear the hijab, read the Qur'an and pray regularily, only the "sandwich" did not. I LOVED that family ... they are SUCH BEAUTIFUL souls!!! NONE of the parents would even DREAM of kicking them out!!
That is what seperates the cool and often cruel Western society from the warm and much more compassionate Eastern one!! Here the family bonds are MUCH more lose, something which ALWAYS bothered me!
Even the West is so often pictured as progressive and modern, it does lack a LOT of warmth and compassion, something, people who never got out, don't even realize because they don't know anything else is existing!
Why do mama birds throw their babies out of the nest? If they can't fly they will die but she throws them out anyway. Is mama bird supposed to regurgitate worms for that bird for the rest of her life?
So, here we have an unemployed 29 year old who's parents threw him out of the house. Maybe it was drugs but maybe it was to force him to start living his life. Find a job, support himself, learn to take care of himself. What is he supposed to do if his parents were to die. Who would support him then? It could be a very loving thing to throw him out of the nest. It is natural for children to WANT to leave their parents house at a certain age. Especially boys. They cannot mature if they don't have to take care of themselves.
I agree with Um Haleema.
It is natural instinct to throw the babies out of the nest.
In America, the average age is 18 years old, and that is about when you graduate high school and go to college. EVERYONE is expected to better themselves by learning important life skills... either by going to the University, or getting a job.
This doesn't mean you can't still see your family. You can visit them all the time, and family can come see you too! If you need help, family can help you. Because you leave the "nest" doesn't mean you can't come back to it sometimes.
In the case of Japan, you are expected to stay with the family, and when they get old, you take care of them. Many of my Japanese friends are 26 or 28 years old and they still live with their parents and grandparents. However, many Japanese choose to go out on their own and experience life. They go get jobs and live on their own. After a few years, they will move back in with their families. Some will even have families of their own, and so they will make their families grow.
I think both ways are fine. But I think being entirely co-dependent is sometimes a bit unhealthy.
Nice blog, Masha'Allah.
Insha'Allah once Im out of school and have my own job, I will have my parents live with me.
Our parents have spent their whole life taking care of us, its the least we could do.
You cant care for a person when you are not living with them as you would if they were living with you.
Masha'Allah, I like the attitude.
WOW, :-D
First: all of you, I was not wondering with that 29 but with that who went out in age of 17!!! And I have another thing to ask for. the 29 years old wasn't a drug addicted but he wasn't employee and he spend his time in front of TV and Video Games, for that his father was mad with him. But I know young men living with their family and they are almost 30 years old unemployed, they are still trying to find jobs, still work hard to start and each time they failed. They are still trying, but their family still support them.
I remember once, years ago, I watched comedy American series called fresh prince of bel air. Uncle phil was saying to his eldest daughter to leave their house because she is 30 and she replied why I should leave while my mom is 40 and you didn't ask her to leave!! I laughed then because I thought it was just a joke!
***
Megan, my dear, first hello to my blog and second thank you for sharing. But what do you mean they went to "lake house", what is this??!!! Like old age hospital!!!
Oh, Karin ,,thank you so much. Yes, that was confusing me all the time. we are still with our family with our loving parents and no one would do thing like that. Even if the son or daughter not working or having problem they family role is to help and support the kids, kicking them out could make the problem bigger.
Um Haleema: welcome back sister, good example, but animalish somehow. Still, We are humans with brains and intelligence. Birds and other animals do that instinctive AND after they do their roles as parents, after they teach their kids how to survive in the kingdom of animals and then force the kids to leave because the circle of life will come again as the kids will grow faster to be parents themselves as well. There are many unbelievable acts in this kingdom, some animals eat their babies!!
Well, we are humans and if I'm a mother of this boy (Okay, yes, he is older than me, but let's assume this!) if I'm a mother, I will never ask him to go out if he is not prepare to survive. What a mother or a father I will be. At least we should help him to see his mistakes and find his way before anything else!
Tristan the Japanese example is nice and reflect the strong bonds of the family members. Yes, that doesn’t mean you have to gather all the relative in one place, but you can be so near to them and with your ordinary family. Here, we have so big union in families. We live together as father , mother and kids even if the kids reach 20s or 30s. you have the choice to keep living in the same house or move to other if you got job and want to start new family. Some married in the same house. One of my best friends here married a nice young man working in good job, but he wanted to stay with his family in the same house as he big brother, both of them married and have their own rooms. My friend says it is so nice and we are really one family and love each other. I thought in the beginning it's horrible to live in the same house with big family, but she likes.
As Karin said in the west, the boy or girl go out to stay with boyfriends or girlfriends!! It's really weird idea to me, but it's that way in the west!
I will talk about that next time ;)
Asma: thanks and welcome dear
AllAboutAsma: I'm really sorry Dear. i thought you are girl called Asma, but when i visited your profile i found a male called Omar!!!!!
lol Yeah, Im a male and my name is Omar.
Asma was my little sister. When she passed away, I made a blog about her, AllAboutAsma.
Sorry.
Awww, No, i'm really sorry my brother. May God Bless her soul and give you the strength to go on.
Hello Noor and thank you the welcome and the comment you left on my blog. In answer to your question what is the "Lake house"? It is a house that my parents built on Lake Michigan. Its use to be just a summer cottage but once my parents retired they built onto it and made it their home. It is a wonderful place in the summer surrounded my trees and birds and wildlife. Very beautiful, I love to go there and just meditate. It is a very restfull place. In the winter is just as beautiful just alot COLDER the lake freezes over and there not as much wildlife but the snow is so quiet. If that makes sence. Have a great day. Megan
Thannk you for sharing this
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